trebam malo sreće...
nisam tužna...
samo malo uplašena...pa mi treba smijeha...da mi vrati sigurnost...
progoni me prošlost ovih dana.zato sam se i vratila na blog...mislim,prošlost me podsjetila na njegovo postojanje:)
uf...
alone again...
ja se eto opet preselila...
sad sam u glavnom nam gradu.
studiram(po koji ono put? ;)
kao da je bitno...
ugl.progoni me prošlost,tj.strah od neuspjeha sveprisutan kroz cijeli moj život(zapravo je imao pauzu u 2.5god mog življenja na krku..)and now it's back!
a ja, velika,jaka,ozbiljna,nepokolebljiva cura(that's new me;), se uplašila.
precijenila sam ga...tj. sebe:)
znam da će me proći, da ću se (s)naći,samo...
koči me...i samim time daje sebi smisao.potvrđuje se...
a to me izluđuje!!!
I'll be ok...
:)
03.11.2008. | 21:13 |
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down the memory lane...
Opraštam ti…
Opraštam ti za sve suze
koje si bespotrebno prolila.
Opraštam ti što si mi toliko puta
slomila srce…što si njima dopustila
da ga slome…(njemu…)
Opraštam ti za svaki put
kad si me zgazila, ponizila,
tako uludo odbacila.
Opraštam ti sve grijehe,
svaku tvoju kletvu i laž…
Opraštam ti za svaki put kad si molila…
NJIH!
manje vrijedne od mene, od nas…
Opraštam ti za svaki „volim te“ upućen njemu,
za svaki poljubac,
za svaki put kad si pružala moje srce na pladnju
da ga zdrobe,
otvorila moju dušu,
dala cijelu mene…da me odbace…
Opraštam ti što u tebi,
unatoč svemu,
ima još neke nade, vjere,
pa uporno udaraš glavom u zid,
MOJOM GLAVOM,
da bi mi dokazala da sam JA u pravu…
Opraštam ti što si slaba…jadna…
mazohistička kuja…
koja u svemu ovom tako prokleto uživa…
prezirem sve...svoju prošlost...i sve sudionike...
poanta je: NEVER AGAIN!!!!!
02.11.2008. | 23:27 |
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ajmo ispočetka, part 2.
shvatila da se ponavljam.
moram neko novo "pjesničko djelo" stavit za početak. so...
NOVI POČETAK
Daj mi da umrem…
Da se ponovo rodim…
Bolja, jača,
razriješena grijeha i slabosti.
Daj mi da platim krvlju,
da noktima skinem staru sebe,
prste omotam svojom kosom,
vječnu glad utažim svojim kostima…
Daj mi novi početak…
tako željen…
da ispravim sve…
Samo ja…punim plućima…
bez laži i glume…
vrištim prkosno,
SEBI U ČAST!
stalno nešto kao vrištim..
ugl.ova je prigodna.new beginning:)
29.10.2008. | 01:46 |
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ajmo ispočetka
Želim vrištati!
Jačinom svog glasa promijeniti sve..uništiti sve…
Gledati kako se svijet raspada pod silinom tog zvuka,
gledati sebe kako se raspadam i propadam
od sveg neizgovorenog u tom jednom tonu,
u tom jednom trenu potpune slobode,
nikad očekivane smjelosti,
u tom jednom trenu hrabrosti…
Želim vrištati!
I tim jednim činom ispuniti sve…
Isprazniti sve…
Polomiti sve…
Sve strahove i čežnje,
sve ljubavi i želje,
sve boli, tuge i razočaranja,
svu sreću,suze i nadanja,
svu sebe…
sve vas…
28.10.2008. | 22:53 |
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sretna nova:)
nije me bilo...
nije mi se dalo...
tj.par puta čak se logirala i počela kao pisat al odustala...ukratko,nije mi se dalo:)
za Novu mi bilo odlično.najmirnija i najtrijeznija do sad.bio Alen tu i samim time ju uljepšao:)
počela vozit.još 12 sati i polažem.prvi put.ne znam koliko puta ću polagat:)
pirsala se...lucky 14:) svi su oni meni lucky:)
počela malo više učiti.znam da su prijemni tek za 5 mjeseci al stvarno hoću upasti.
imam psa!!!! predivnog njemačkog ovčara po imenu Til:) moja velika ljubav
uveseljava mi moje kasnonoćne šetnje plažom... how romantic:)
i mislim da je to to...jedino što sam jako umorna....od posla,ljudi...vapim za godišnjim!!!uskoro,nadam se...
pa,pozdrav!!
12.02.2008. | 12:03 |
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Dnevnik.hr
Gol.hr
Zadovoljna.hr
Novaplus.hr
NovaTV.hr
DomaTV.hr
Mojamini.tv
da ili ne?
Opis bloga
moje misli, frustracije, tekstovi
Linkovi
Blog.hr
Forum.hr
Cmar-net.org
chaotic game
WHO I LIKE...
Kub
Rossanna
tvoj Kike
Achtung Baby
Esencija
taajni svijet
strange kind of woman
Aibreann
Uranova pikula
wildprincess
Snow White Queen
alex...in chains
mandarinica
something about me...
imam već 23 godine(kad prije?!)
nesuđeni psiholog
trenutno studiram slavenistiku
ludo sam (ne)zaljubljena
već dvije i pol godine živim na našem najvećem otoku(bar mislim da je) i sve mi se manje ne sviđa..
tvrdoglava sam, bezobrazna, pomalo depresivna(tko nije?),
kontradiktorna,lajava(samo kad ne treba),egocentrična,umišljena,neiskrena,prijetvorna,nedosljedna i ponosna na to!!!
tj.barem se u to pokušavam uvjeriti;)
ne volim ljeto
al zavoljela more(tj.plažu,noću,u ove"zimske" dane)
volim zimu(radi snijega i hladnoće) i jesen(radi kiše)
puno pišem - uglavnom pjesme koje i nisu baš nešto al ih volim jer su moje
obožavam tetovaže - na žalost nemam ni jednu
i piercinge :)
volim pauke,gmazove, zapravo sve životinje osim ribica(nerviraju me)
obožavam knjige
i zvijezde...mogu satima zuriti u njih
nisam baš društvena ni komunikativna, (imam sve odlike koje jedan psiholog NE bi trebao imati:)a to sad ionako više nije bitno pošto nikad neću biti psiholog...
glazbenici koje slušam i volim
Dream Theater
Tool
Steve Vai
Joe Satriani
Symphony X
Nightwish
Lacuna Coil
Arch Enemy
In Flames
Iced Earth
Lamb Of God
A Perfect Circle
Iron Maiden
Paradise Lost
Trivium
Within Temptation
S.M.F
i još bla bla bla...
Falling
Stained, looking at my hands
I talk with these lines
It's not the answer
I'm crying and I now I know
Looking the sky
I search for an answer
So free, free to be
I'm not another liar
I just want to be myself...myself
And now the beat inside of me
Is a sort of a cold breeze and I've
Never any feeling inside
Around me...
I Bring my body
Carry it into another world
I know I live...but like a stone I'm falling down
Damned, looking into the sky
I can feel this rain
Right now it's falling on me
Fly, I just want to fly
Life is all mine
Some days I cry alone,
But I know I'm not the only one
I see that another day is gone
I don't want to die...
Please be here when I arrive, don't die...please
The Hollow
run, desire, run this sexual being
run him like a blade to & through the heart
no conscience, one motive...
to cater to the hollow.
screaming feed me, fill me up again.
temporarily pacify this hungering.
so, grow, libido, throw dominoes of
indiscretions down.
falling all around in cycles/circles.
constantly consuming.
conquer and devour.
it's time to bring this fire down.
bridle all this indiscretion
long enough to edify and permanently fill this hollow.
feed me, fill me up again.
temporarily pacify this hungering.
Bare Grace Misery
Sweet boy, come in
I am the dark side of you
Die for my sins
Like the One once did
Cinnamon bed
For your unashamed appetite
A figurante
This dance will hurt like hell
Oh, bare grace misery
Just a child without a fairytale am I
Dark but so lovely
A Little Match Girl freezing in the snow
Love lying, enticing
(Bare grace misery)
Crowning the moment
(Bare grace misery)
This is what I am
Bare grace for the end of days
Romantic scent
Spoiled Lucrece lies warm for you
There's no such priest
That can pray me to heaven
When done with me
Forget if you think I feel ashamed
A wild thing
Never felt sorry for anything
Love lying...
The Patient
A groan of tedium escapes me, startling the fearful.
Is this a test?
It has to be. Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience. drain vitality.
this paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.
But I'm still right here, giving blood and keeping faith. And I'm still right here.
But I'm still right here, giving blood and keeping faith. And I'm still right here.
I'm gonna wait it out
If there were no rewards to reap,
no loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
I'm gonna wait it out
If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along this tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
I still may. And I still may.
Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this...
If there were no rewards to reap,
no loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may. And I still may. And I still may.
I'm gonna wait it out.
I'm gonna wait it out.
Gonna wait it out.
Gonna wait it out.
Pushit
I will choke until I swallow...
Choke this infant here before me.
What is this but my reflection?
Who am I to judge and strike you down?
But you're pushing and shoving me.
You still love me and you pushit on me.
Rest your trigger on my finger,
bang my head upon the fault line.
Take care not to make me enter.
'cause if I do we both may disappear.
But you're pushing me, shoving me.
Pushit on me.
Slipping back into the gap again.
I'm alive when you're touching me,
alive when you're shoving me down.
But i'd trade it all
for just a little bit of piece of mind.
Put me somewhere I don't wanna be.
Seeing someplace I don't wanna see.
Never wanna see that place again.
Saw that gap again
today as you were begging me to stay.
Managed to push myself away,
and you, as well.
If, when I say I may fade like a sigh if I stay,
you minimize my movement anyway,
I must persuade you another way.
There's no love in fear.
Staring down the hole again.
Hands upon my back again.
Survival is my only friend.
Terrified of what may come.
Just remember I will always love you,
even as I tear your fucking throat away.
But it will end no other way.
H.
What's coming through is alive.
What's holding up is a mirror.
But what's singing songs is a snake
looking to turn this piss to wine.
They're both totally void of hate,
but killing me just the same.
The snake behind me hisses what my damage could have been.
My blood before me begs meopen up my heart again.
And I feel this coming over like a storm again.
considerately.
Venomous voice,
tempts me,
drains me,
bleeds me,
leaves me cracked and empty.
Drags me down like some sweet gravity.
The snake behind me hisses
what my damage could have been.
My blood before me begs me
open up my heart again.
And I feel this coming over like a storm again.
I am too connected to you to slip away,
to fade away.
Days away I still feel you touching me,
changing me,
and considerately killing me.
Without the skin, beneath the storm,
under these tears the walls came down.
And the snake is drowned
and as I look in his eyes,
my fear begins to fade
recalling all of those times.
I could have cried then.
I should have cried then.
And as the walls come down
and as I look in your eyes my fear begins to fade
recalling all of the times I have died and will die.
It's all right. I don't mind.
I am too connected to you to slip away,
to fade away.
Days away I still feel you touching me,
changing me,
and considerately killing me.
Judith
you're such an inspiration for ways that i will never ever choose to be.
oh so many ways for me to show you how your savior has abandoned you.
Thank(fuck) your god.
he did this, took all you had and left you this way.
still you pray, never stray, never taste of the fruit. never thought to question why.
it's not like you killed someone.
it's not like you drove a hateful spear into his side.
praise the one who left you broken down and paralyzed.
he did it all for you.
oh so many ways for me to show you how your dogma has abandoned you.
pray to your christ, to your god.
never taste of the fruit,
never stray, never break,
never choke on a lie,
even though he's the one who did this to you
thought to question why
it's not like you killed someone.
it's not like you drove a spiteful spear into his side.
talk to jesus christ as if he knows the reasons why he
did this all to you.
he did it all for you.
I'll Be Around
Words fall silent when no one will hear
Emotions are deadly when there's too much to fear
Touch a feeling and we feel again
To know the pleasure, we must know the pain
I'm going down for the last time
Open your eyes
Who's gonna hear you when you're callin'
And who's gonna catch you when you're fallin'
Who's gonna trust you
Well I'll be around for a while
And who's gonna heal you when you're bleeding
And who's gonna give to you when you're needing
And who's gonna love you
Well I'll be around for a while
When love lies bleeding only fools are bold
They search for pennies in a pot of gold
Faith is dying when no one's to trust
But your soul is crying
And it's glorious
It's coming down to the last time
Open your heart
Who's gonna hear you when you're callin'
And who's gonna catch you when you're fallin'
And who's gonna laugh with you
Well I'll be around for a while
And who's gonna warm you when you're freezing
And who's gonna hold you when you're screaming
And who's gonna promise you
to be around for a while
There you stand, drowning in the rain
Kidding yourself the wind don't sting
And all this time the thing you want is calling to you
I dig the way you take that storm
While spitting in the face of right and wrong
Well you could let down your defenses
When you're in my arms
You could my face
in my arms
You could dream on and on
in my arms
You would never be alone
in my arms
You could cry like a child
in my arms
Who's gonna hear you when you're callin'
And who's gonna catch you when you're fallin'
And who's gonna trust you
Well I'll be around for a while
And who's gonna mend you when you're broken
And who's gonna find you when you're stolen
And who will always love you
I'll be around for a while
And who's gonna shield you when it's rainin'
And who's gonna kneel with you when you're prayin'
Who's gonna feel for you
Well I will, I'll be around for a while
Who's gonna help you when you're tryin'
And who's gonna hold you when you're dyin'
Who's gonna beg you
To be around for a while
A Fortune In Lies
"For the first time in a long time
...everything was right in my
world... and then I woke up."
I can remember when,
In the unity of our five-day sessions
Not even once did we hear the siren
song
What kind of imagination
Asleep in some lyrical coma
Who's vain futile memory
Could have been so wrong?
You can make a fortune in lies
You can keep a giant alive
You can ride the red
Until everybody smiles
A trifling euphoria
was such an untimely religion
maybe your life can explain
the reason for my indecision
Here is a poor man
the heart of this monster creation
He said we both will be heroes
and I was led into temptation
You can make a fortune in lies
You can keep a giant alive
You can ride the red
Until everybody smiles
Can you show me your gold
and your silver?
A hero in frozen water
Now you've made a fortune in lies
and you kept a giant alive
You rode the red
You rode the red